In an ideal world

In an ideal world,

I wouldn’t be paying the price of resilience
I wouldn’t be waiting all tired and dreary
For my share of respite
From the unfairness of it all
I wouldn’t have to be the one
Going through this tormenting struggle
Of dealing with constant failures
Dealing with the unhappiness I feel
Watching all that I work towards
Being washed away in a vortex of
Nothingness
And I stand helpless,
Going through the motions
In autopilot
Anger, denial and eventually
Disappointment of the worst kind
Tearing my self esteem to smithereens

The existential crisis continues
And I lament
That I am entwined in the choices
I fought so hard to make a reality

In an ideal world
I would recieve love in return
I would have tiny babies to nurture
I would be asked if I was okay
I wouldn’t be expected to bounce back
I wouldn’t be a stranger in my own life.
And in my own home.

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About Thumbelina81
A dreamer lost in this world. Part time Writer, Part time Gardener, A full time wife.

2 Responses to In an ideal world

  1. Sigh, wish such a place exists.

  2. artaxes says:

    Believe me, we wouldn’t like a perfect world.
    Perfect humans wouldn’t be humans anymore.
    God loves us. That’s why He gave as the freedom to choose at the risk that we are doing the wrong thing.
    Otherwise He would have created robots always doing the right thing.
    Our purpose and our challenge is to keep an imperfect world instead of letting it become hell on earth, without giving up our freedom.
    No need to dispair. We’re here for a bigger purpose and if we put our suffering in perspective it becomes much smaller.
    I always felt much better when I worked towards a goal that made me forget myself.

    Artaxes

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