The first aid kit to my bruised soul

I have had the worst week ever. Experiencing a roller coaster of emotions, battling with the craziness of insomnia induced haze, and the madness of soul crushing loneliness, I have been so emotionally strung out, that I forgot how it feels to be in sync with my inner self.

In retrospect, and thanks to the quiet time I had over the last few days, I have come to terms with the fact, that I have been pushing myself in the wrong direction, for much too long at work, forcing myself to do something that I don’t have a passion for, and letting others determine the limiting factors to my potential. And time just slowed down, because I was afraid to acknowledge, that I have made a royal mess by directing all my efforts into futile activities, aimlessly forcing myself to stick on to something for all the wrong reasons.

I sat at home for three days, paralyzed by emotion, fatigue and confusion, wondering how I would get out of the rabbit hole I created for myself. Wondering, how I could quiet down the maddening surge of emotions and revert to the life in the autopilot mode, where I was in charge of every atom and every molecule of my mind and body?

How could I make my life meaningful again?

How could I believe in myself again?

How could I let go of all that is not meant for me or my journey?

How could I let go of crutches I held on to for too long on the pretext of being self-reliant?

I ripped off the band aid, the proverbial quick fix to all my solutions, drowned out all the noise that made me pander to everyone around me,Putting self-care as the last of my priorities.

And as always I reached out to the First aid kit for my bruised soul

The very first journal I wrote in – Making me believe that writing for me, is the elixir for my soul. My true calling and the one thing about me that can make me feel good, at any given point of time

Amma’s shawl – Wrapped around me and I feel held, safe and soothed, reminding me that I owe her my life. And, sooner or later, I need to show her, that I have made something out of this beautiful gift, she has struggled to give me.

A wrinkly old doll from my childhood – Reminding me that my childhood was precious to my loved ones. And no matter where I am, their love stands strong by me and their support always comes in quiet declarations or hasty reprimands.

Pictures of my twisted soul sisters – Reminding me that there are folks who believed in me even during my darkest phases, and will move heaven and earth to never let me forget who I am.

Pictures of the Caveman – Reminding me of the promise I made to him, that I will always be the wind behind his wings. And I can make any place, a loving home, a warm cocoon to nest in, with his support and unflinching love.

Flowers – Reminding me that there is beauty in everything I see, if I wish to see it

Music – That soothes me, uplifts me and makes me believe in the magic of poetry

A bucket list – Which I had made for myself when I was eighteen, reminding me of all the unfinished goals, giving me the strength to shirk off the inertia, pushing me forward,

I remind myself the words of my idol, Virginia Woolf –“A self that goes on changing is the self that goes on living.”

As, I persevere with my train of thought, the frown turns into a smile when I realize that in all my madness, and with all my emotional baggage, I still manage to be someone’s reason to live and the source of their new found confidence. The thought nourishes me and supports me on my way forward.

And as always, the first aid kit for my soul helps me to cling to my objectivity, helping me wade way my through periods of insanity. Connecting me to my higher self and giving me the much needed attitude fix and a spring of positivity to my feet.

If you are reading this, do tell me your sources of strength and most importantly, what’s in your first aid kit for the soul?

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About Thumbelina81
A dreamer lost in this world. Part time Writer, Part time Gardener, A full time wife.

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