Wrapping up October _ Of life, love and marriage

October has been a mixed bag of sorts and I consciously kept away from writing down all that I felt. Primarily, because, I was getting into a phase of transition, and I dint want my inner turmoil to confuse folks who care enough to follow the blog.  As always, my periods of silence  force me into questioning my ways of dealing with the world, and more often than not, I touch base with my inner angst, deal with it in a way that I am comfortable with,and find a way forward to deal with the  inevitable period of change.  So if you are out there reading this , Grab a cuppa and listen to me while I ramble along ..Wont you?

 Bengaluru – October officially marks a year of dwelling in Bengaluru. It was a crazy year of fumbling for survival, finding  ways to deal with being on my own and the occasional disagreements with my loved ones.  And then came the slow and steady realisation that,  all I needed was a change in perspective. Bengaluru, presented me with an opportunity to tie loose ends with respect to my career, make amends with estranged family, and gave me a blank canvas again to fill it with the colours I wanted.

An opportunity to clear out the subtle toxic elements in my life, urging me to make changes to my personality and make changes around work, home, love and relationships . It gave me the solitude I needed, to find my inner voice and  deal with the  pent up resentment, anger and  sorrow in their rawest form. Leaving me with no choice but to deal with it, on my own, without any distractions from loved ones ,whose only instincts towards me were to protect and pamper me while I lived closer to them. It was indeed destiny’s way of nudging me to get in touch with the inner fighter in me, to embrace change , and find my true calling. So my dear Bengaluru, if I haven’t said it before, Thank you for the times of confusion, periods of darkness and setting a foundation for a stronger me.  You’ve given me the much needed purpose in my life , helping me mark distinct boundaries of what I don’t want in my life, heart and body. And while I am there, Thanks to the constants in my life ( the Caveman , gang of girls , Amma, the Akka’s, Doctor G,KP ) , I am what I am because each one of you showered  me with love and counsel when I needed it the most.

Marriage –  If you’ve been following the blog closely, I know I got you worried with my mood swings and rants. But here’s what you need to know, The man I found for myself is so much like me, dealing with his own transition, trying to get a grip on everything that is new to him. And inspite of being together for donkey’s years , there comes a time in love and marriage, to  disagree, to vent, to safeguard our own interests and wellbeing over your spouse . We have been through that phase where both of us needed something above our daily routine to make us happier individuals and most importantly make each other happy. We had to find a path to make this work, to find it in ourselves  to tumble through illness, fiscal responsibilities, social commitments and  the unfamiliarity of everything around us. Strangely enough, inspite of having similar experiences, our divergent aspirations and expectations got the better of us for a while. Mainly, because we let our marriage steer the wheels of our life. I was too happy to let go of myself to look after him and he was too involved in creating a safe and secure future for us. And here’s what it is, we had forgotten our individualities in this process.  Guaging and grasping the world through our limited experiences, we built our lives around what was comforting and familiar .  Turns out, we needed a little more than extreme content to keep us going. So,inspite of disagreements , I embarked on my journey  trying to  carve out my identity, finding work, setting goals for myself , and trying to be a happier person.  And so did  he,  he found peace in the world of spirituality. He was exposing himself to the unfamiliar , learning to trust his near and dear ones, grappling along with my mood swings and deep rooted unhappiness.  Needless to say, we both dint make our lives easier through the phase( especially me). Seemed like, I was not ready to accept his ways of dealing with change. But then the affection we have for each other surpasses this thing called marriage. We work on it one step at a time, letting our new experiences mould us, make us stronger. I have stopped being an emotional parasite off him and consciously stopped navigating his life and decisions and so has he. So here we are  , very much in love,learning from each other, with an attempt to co-create our world, fitting our very tiny unit of two into the bigger scheme of  family and life.

Moi – I have got back to studying part time and turns out I love to cram, I love to sit in long drawn study sessions, gaping with wonder at the awesome language called English and the complicated piece called  communication in English. I have been reading , gardening, cooking , running to doctors to fix  my misbehaving hormones. And Caveman’s turned spiritual, living a super disciplined life courtesy his impending Sabarimala sojourn  and training to be a Reiki healer.

Ok, now I have to get back to work, where I have the most awesome boss , a wonderful team and a dinner rendezvous with long lost friends from school.

And while you are here, the other blog saw some new posts, on growing carrots in containers and of rainbow blooms. Take a peek and do send some love.

Have a blessed day and thank you for being a part of  my nascence.

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About Thumbelina81
A dreamer lost in this world. Part time Writer, Part time Gardener, A full time wife.

7 Responses to Wrapping up October _ Of life, love and marriage

  1. Gowri says:

    Sonia,

    You are an inspiration!

    Loadsa love,

    Gowri

  2. Fawzia says:

    I have to say this ” Blore- infinity HYD- 0″ hehehe.. Super dooper blog.. Glad to be a part of it… I think you have enuf content to write a book 🙂 well done babe!!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Sonia, Happy for you. Theres always light at the end of the tunnel.Dont worry be happy.
    Aunty

  4. tumpishome says:

    loved the spirit of this blog…happy to have you back

  5. Anonymous says:

    just gotta read this……..u r superb in expressing ur inner self Sonia…….everything wil be fine..Alll izz well!!

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