The one with no title

 

August was a bitch of a month. And I spent some time trying to look inwards for answers, involving a lot of soul searching and quiet phases of contemplation with deliberate attempts of blocking people and their opinions out. And as a result updated my Fifty shades of Sonia list. Or rather made an entire new list.  Things about me that don’t make sense to the whole wide world for my future reference:

 

  • I am a combination of very opposing personalities. I wonder if it is courtesy my zodiac sign.
  • Separation anxiety is my constant companion and I am always worried about the near and dear ones( I miss my mum , I miss my friends I miss my husband when he isn’t around )
  • I prefer to get lost in my cocoon if I cannot make sense of anything around me
  • There are a multitude of voices in my head and I just can’t handle all of them. 
  • Sometimes I speak and laugh, too loudly unknowingly.
  • Lately I have been very conscious of the way I look.
  • I am constantly waiting for something. ( I don’t know why or what am I waiting for).
  • I have been told that I speak Telugu (my mother tongue) with an Anglicized accent.
  • The world in my head and the world outside are two very different places. My concepts of life, living, relationships don’t seem to gel with the rest of the world.
  • I still need someone to protect me – either from myself or the evil world.
  • I haven’t let go of several issues that bother me. They are all bottled up, just itching to surface.
  •  With work, I am too hard on myself all the time and I am always waiting for external validation and appreciation.
  • I am stupid around witty, intelligent men.
  • Flight– that’s my spontaneous reaction to anything that puts me out of my comfort zone (choosing the Fight option only if I am pushed in a corner0.
  • I take a long time to adapt to any kind of change. The initial phases are the most trying and I tend to lose the’ big picture’ very soon
  • Sorry – is an overused word in my vocabulary.  I have realized that I tend to apologize even when I am not at fault, jut to mend fences.
  • I have an embarrassingly low threshold for physical pain.
  • A lot of my time gets wasted in trying to keep up with the demands of relationships, Sometimes I feel I sacrifice a lot for individuals who care two hoots for my existence or my feelings.
  • I resemble my biological mom in many aspects (I hate that).
  • I am always torn between being a  good person and a successful , practical person.
  • I always find reasons to deny commitment to my life goals
  • I have this grand illusion that everyone around me is judging me and I am not fitting into the bill of their expectations
  • These days I cry when I get angry and cannot get anybody to agree with my point of view.
  • I have to try really hard to relax .
  • I value my time too much and find that no one  around me gives a crap about that.
  • I feel  bad that I haven’t travelled  or explored enough.
  • At times, I find that I am dwelling too much on unwanted thoughts ,people  and their illogical reactions
  • I am always one plant short of being called the crazy plant lady.
  • Money and my sense of security are too inter-related for my comfort.

 

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About Thumbelina81
A dreamer lost in this world. Part time Writer, Part time Gardener, A full time wife.

3 Responses to The one with no title

  1. So you are so like me, btw, didn’t get the biological mom point.

  2. KP says:

    The list is familiar.Most people have them in degrees,some more or some less.This is natural but one should not look for approval or validation for all your actions.Generally learn to ignore unsolicited opinions on you or your views but be polite.You must identify your well wisher and listen to him or her even if you do not like what they say.You are a talented writer and express so well.Thank God for the blessings and hone your skills where you lack.Have high self esteem.Have good friends.

  3. Malini says:

    Sonia, Reading your blog is the vent for my guilt – for not being a regular in the blogosphere. Loved this post.

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