Fiction- The stroller

images (2)She lay there right beside him. Watching him sleep and listening to his asthmatic lungs making that wheezy sound while he tried to breathe. Heart of hearts, she thanked the rainy night that did not allow him to go back home after their drunken evening together. As she watched him sleep, she pondered over the overwhelming affection she felt for him. Was it lust that made her want to disappear into his being like a moth to a flame? Or was it plain affection that craved for his warmth? Or was it the thrill of the chase that has taken her on this roller coaster of emotions? She did not know the answers to those baffling questions, but this she knew, that at the very moment, if he ventured even a step further, she would not think twice to go all the way, to give herself to the only man she had been obsessing about, for the past two years.

Waiting for him to notice her feminine self, craving no other audience other than his soulful eyes. Hadn’t he noticed, how she made that special effort to dress up when he came, or how her voice turned several decibels lower with his mere presence, or how her eyes followed his every move like a smitten puppy. Hadn’t he noticed how she tried to change herself into someone he would like, from being the tomboy who cared two hoots about her looks, to the girl who she had become taking two hours to dress up and carefully apply make up , wear clothes that accentuated her being and wait for a sign , to know that he acknowledges her as a woman and not a friend to hang out with.

But lying there, waiting for him to make a move and end the suspense forever, watching him sleep, A sharp stab of realisation gutted her soul. Yes, she was there all in her best form, but he lay beside her and chose to sleep, maintaining a careful distance as though building an invisible wall between them. A boundary, she dare not overstep, lest she lose him forever. It was then , that she knew, ,that this is as far she could go in their relationship. For to him, she was only a dear friend,that he deeply cared for.

As the sun began to rise, clearing the dark skies, she could hear the wheeze in his voice getting clearer.She realised that she had been awake the whole night , staring at him and facing the worst rejection that stretched for two years, but the past eight hours were the most excruciating ones urging her to give up the chase forever. She shrugged the pain off and dipped into her reserves of steely determination. Wondering if he was too tired or drunk last night, and maybe he does not love her now, but eventually things will turn around and someday he will learn to love her.

As she woke up to make coffee the way he liked it, he stretched his arm out to her , as though urging her to come closer. Her heart leapt with joy, her knees turned to jelly, and she threw herself at him. She leapt to hug him, and then there was the ultimate wince and the coldest stare from him that pierced her being. She had misconstrued his gesture again. It was all but a good morning handshake and not an undying declaration of love. He sat her down, and said, “I ve known how you felt about me for all this while, But I am sorry I cant feel that for you.I hoped that the feelings would die its natural death, but I have realised that the more I linger on in your life, I am just leading you on. I need to set you free, because you are too young for me, and I could never love you the way you want me to. You are 22 now and I will soon turn thirty. Even if you were a few years older, there would still be a lot of things that we both would feel differently about and hinder a soul connection that I want to have. I came to tell you this last night, but couldn’t , and I am sorry,that this will be the last time I will be meeting you. But this you know, that I will always be your friend”

He said it, and put an end to all her misery. As she watched him walk out of her door, she sat there numb, grief stricken, wallowing in the emptiness she felt inside, trying to decipher what he meant, trying to soak in that pain of rejection. He said time is a great healer, but with time, the pain of rejection only festered. She wished she could hate him because that would be easier. He was perfect for her, and deep down she knew, she could never feel for any man, what she felt for him.

As days blended into months and years, she carried the pain within her , a pain that had gone from being a ripping shock to numbness, to an occasional twinge of regret and sheer idolising. She had hoped he would call, maybe missing her someday,But he didn’t, and after several blank calls, several desperate emails and letters, inflicting self torture, to numb the physical pain she felt, She gave up on the chase. Several years passed with no contact between them. And, she went through the motions of life ,attempting to move on and staying miles away and safeguarding her fragile self from any possible rejection.

Until she spotted him several years later, walking hand in hand with a pretty young thing who appeared to be a twenty two year old . She watched him from a distance, He looked happy, pushing their twin stroller together. She had heard he was married to a young girl and had twins but like everything else, she brushed off the rumours, but this passing glance , only made it very real. She is thirty now , and realised that the man she idolised , was not someone, who claimed to be the perfect guy interested only in the mind . Age was just an excuse, He just, did not fancy a needy girl with her emotional baggage. Passing his time in the name of being friends was all that he wanted. And in the end, he was one of those superficial men she despised. All he wanted, was to secure a girl who promised a starry future with looks to match.

And finally she knew, He gave her the much needed reasons to hate him and finally move on. And she went home with a heart full of gratitude, to be with the man, who adored her needy soul and cared two hoots about her age or body.

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About Thumbelina81
A dreamer lost in this world. Part time Writer, Part time Gardener, A full time wife.

5 Responses to Fiction- The stroller

  1. KP says:

    I never knew the great story teller in you.Wonderfully written in fluent style and in fine style,the story ended in a manner different from what I expected.The reason given for rejection of a willing woman in the privacy of a room especially when both are alone seemed weak.Who can divine the motivations in the mind? .Atleast he was not a rogue and remained truly a friend.Such men are rare.
    Please keep writing two stories a week dealing with different emotions

  2. I love the layering in your story. The way you showed the need in the beginning and remorse in the end. The extract where the guy speaks sounds so real but sigh, men are men. A beautiful read.

  3. sometimes we run after vwrong person in our lives for support and satisfaction and this one is a fine example .
    nicely written. 🙂

  4. Well written indeed!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Very well written…could not stop reading it…keep some more coming

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