The re-union

Oh how  stealthily you creep back into my life. Unannounced and unwelcome, you attack my body and my mind, draining me out of my strength and getting me out of action. Cortico steroids and antihistamines are what you crave for, but this you know, I have caved in for far too long. Now, My body  wants to fight you back, and no matter how much you act up , this time you will get no pacifiers or short term relief. You will have to learn to live with Bengaluru’s shuffle between scorching heat to foggy and humid weather.

My lungs have to learn to behave and work harder to expel the mucus. I am not going to feed you with drugs so that you  can come back and attack my vulnerable immunity. Getting  me to behave like the needy one, keeping me away from the minimal chores that mark my daily routine. Making me nauseous, making every breath a struggle and getting my eyes so very red and itchy. The battle is on and I am going to fight you with all that I have.

For this I know, unlike last time, I don’t have Amma with me to monitor my food, my medicines and my spirit. I have to find it within me to beat this unwelcome monster who takes over my life occasionally. While I lay lonely and dreary, staring at the ceiling,a single drop falls from my eyes, craving for Amma’s rasam and rice, and the busy man’s warm hugs.

Go away as stealthily as you came and leave me alone, alone in this space with my thoughts because heaven knows I cannot bear a minute more of my sluggish self.

And while I am in that zone, this quote from Elizabeth Gilbert’s , Eat Pray Love, screams out to me:

When I get lonely these days, I think to myself: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching-post for your own unfulfilled yearnings’ – Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love 


About Thumbelina81
A dreamer lost in this world. Part time Writer, Part time Gardener, A full time wife.

19 Responses to The re-union

  1. Gowri says:

    Oh dear….

    Do take care….

    And know that people who care are just a phone call away….

  2. matheikal says:

    Loved it, particularly the quote. We have been using other people’s bodies and emotions as palimpsest to write and erase…

  3. My Say says:

    See … Problems (any, mental , physical whatever types , may be) they hate being enjoyed .. they hate we not being bullied by their irritating gesture … they hate if you don’t care they are around… so much that they leave you at the earliest… 🙂
    Self Experienced statement !!
    A thing about loneliness… its the biggest fear till you accept it happily and gradually becomes such a best friend that never lets you down, never lets you make mistakes, never lets you be unhappy,never lets you be alone ever again!!
    Being a loner indicates you are your best friend .., the one who is going to be with you here and after you leave the body as well… 😀
    enuf gyaan !! loved reading u hence added up my experiences !! 🙂 GB !

  4. indrani says:

    Oh! That was a painful read. I hope it is not true and just a fiction of imagination.

  5. Well said and what a quote! like it!

  6. Loneliness is always painful. When we go through trials and tribulations of life, the one person we want to be with us is Amma. I too long for my Amma, her rasam and rice. But, unfortunately she is no more.

    • Thumbelina81 says:

      I am so sorry for your loss Sir. As for me , Amma is far away enough and I really miss her when I am sick. Thank you for visiting and for taking time to comment.

  7. KP says:

    Who would welcome an ailment?It has always made a stealthy entry and work its ways till you notice its unwelcome attention in many ways.If you can ignore and get rid of it without medication it is fine,But it doesn’t always work and you are never left alone.
    Nicely written

    • Thumbelina81 says:

      Heehee, I must admit, I would be stupid enough to welcome illness when I wanted to cut school or miss any of the innumerable functions that one has to attend. Im trying to heal without strong doses of medication this time ,hopefully it will work. thank you for your kind words Sir.

  8. dadirri7 says:

    powerful writing .. i hope you are not ill, but if so do take care … i understand the need to be free of drugs but sometimes they may be a necessary short-term aid … i was very sick with asthma as a child … well now though 🙂

  9. P. C. Zick says:

    My thoughts are with you. I’ve no choice but to be pumping chemicals into my body for now and I applied this post to my situation. But it’s temporary and will make me healthier than ever afterwards.

    • Thumbelina81 says:

      Thank you for you kind words PC. I feel better today after ten days of hibernation and sickness. and I am glad that have been able to do without pumping in medicines. and the victory feels sweet. Im sorry that you have to pump chemicals but if it works for your system, I guess theres no harm. with me,I develop a lot of complications like skin rashes, weakness, so I try and avoid the pumping as far as I can, Take care and please do keep visiting , You have a gorgeous smile, Might I add..Love Sonia

  10. Malini says:

    Hmm.. Asthma is a definitely a nuisance. It attacks you in the most unexpected of times. Having been an asthmatic for quite a few years now, I have found the intensity of the attack inversely proportional to the level of positivity in me at that point in time. The more positive I am, the more I’d want to get out of life. The more I want to get out of life, the more I’ll want to focus. The more I want to focus, the more I wish to stay fit. Though I still remain asthmatic and still occasionally use steroids, I have been able to cut the usage to a bare minimum, almost to a ‘just in case’ remedy. Getting some form of exercise regularly and focus on the positive things around you is the way to go.
    I will NOT feel sorry for you, my friend. I’d only want to make you feel better.

    • Thumbelina81 says:

      Malini, my dear, Is this one more thing that we have in common. This is getting spooky now. I feel better today after a very long time. And you are right , asthma is more a quest of the spirit than the body. I wish I have your positivity , I have been able to survive the attack this time with very less medication than usual, so yes I am happy. I only wish I felt better yesterday, would have been lovely to meet you.

      • Malini says:

        hmm, even I was taken aback a bit when I read this. By the way, I didn’t make it to the meet as I ended up driving almost 20 kms to Sajjan Rao Circle instead of Anand Rao circle! By the time I realized, it was too late! Hmm, meets are just an excuse, we can meet otherwise too, isn’t it?

  11. oh oh…get well soon… ur ‘will’ to overcome the illness with your ‘will power’ is what will hold u in the tough times….

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