In which I realise that distance changes quite a bit

I am stewing over the adult moments I witnessed over the past few days. And in retrospect I believe, there’s no one to blame but physical distance over a prolonged period of time. Out of sight is indeed out of mind especially when it comes to friends who are busy juggling careers, families and pets .

Distance they say makes a heart grow fonder but the flip side to it, is distance also makes expensive telephone bills, breeds emotional distances and eventually indifference of the worst kind. Well, one cant be joint at the hip if friends live in two different cities and catch up on each others lives over a hurried lunch,or that one hour which is dug out of choc-a -bloc schedules with great difficulty. Its nearly impossible to rekindle that emotional camaraderie that we once shared if time is minded by the minute. And I think, there is no such thing as being too busy (its only being too lazy or too indifferent to pick the same excuse over and over again).

Life shifts gears and I am tired of waiting, holding on for that moment where eagerness to meet one other is reciprocated. An occasional meeting would not require so much of effort and syncing of calendars if everyone is on the same page. I think separation has brought up the impatient side of me, where I am too tired of trying to fit into schedules, tired of trying to hold on to memories which are slowly fading away for the lack of new ones. I am tired of bearing the consequences of being too available at all times. Its a disturbing revelation but its time to accept that unrequited affections eventually wear out. I’ve come to accept that  friendships are not forced upon just because you hung out together at one stage in your lives. Being a pal doesn’t mean the occasional phone call when you need to kill time. And whatever friendships are, it shouldn’t be so taxing just to meet one another. Sometimes change knocks you in your face and you realize that the gap has widened on either sides and you just cant go on ignoring it. When its gets too overwhelming, its time to lock those cherished memories in your happy place and avoid disappointing attempts to create new ones.

Though it was a lil disheartening at the first but I think after the light bulb moment, I have learnt to let go. Henceforth I will stop trying too hard and will not punish myself to stick to traditions which are  not cherished anymore. It marked an end of an era for forced camaraderie and flogging dead friendships for any spark of life.

My battered soul  cherishes  hassle free friendships where affection is displayed by throwing all care and calendars to wind and your love is returned in abundance with warm hugs, giggly banter and rendezvous’s without deadlines. Where  friendships are not entangled in the web of rivalries, ego battles and emotional dependencies. When your conversations are effortless and  your friend moves on with you displaying utmost ease to whichever phase of life you are in, when you dont have to try too hard to explain how you feel, when your twisted soul sister gets your shades of grey without any explanations and is ready to wait out your crazy moods.Its  the warm blanket of security of knowing there’s someone out there who truly gets you, with whom you’ll always have something common to share with, from whom you don’t need constant assurances, and for whom time spent with you is priceless. Like my bestie FV out here, who woke up as early as five am on a cold morning, cares enough to yawn in my face yet hold my hand and bid teary goodbye. Made a photo moment of packing me away with my red suitcase and spent an hour with me literally on the roads. (there’s another suitcase story of mine associated with her which she promises to sit on a couch someday and narrate to my grandkids)

And am back at home , with endless gratitude for not letting distance affect the two pillars of my life..FV and DH.

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About Thumbelina81
A dreamer lost in this world. Part time Writer, Part time Gardener, A full time wife.

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