Life in the fast lane

It is a rainy day in Bengaluru and like the storm outside, there is melancholy running deep within. I am overwhelmed to say the least at the pace of my life. Sometimes I am caught unawares of what life has to offer, it hovers between the perceptions of my reality and the expectation that the future has of me. And in the battle of the mind and the spirit, there is collateral damage to my physical health, I worry myself sick and signs of stress surface with mouth ulcers, rashes on my skin and these accompanied with my rants take a toll on DH’s mental well being.

After several hours of contemplation and trying to state my struggle for the ease of comprehension, here’s what I could come up with:
At work, I am venturing into unknown territories and treading an untrodden path. Often times, I rely on my inner intelligence to make sense of a vague brief or try and break down complex deliverables into bits that I can divide and conquer. Whenever I faced a similar challenge earlier, all I tried to do is blend my skills and experience and use my passion and inherent strengths to excel in whatever I do. However at this point, I am struggling for clarity in an unknown domain this struggle is accompanied with self doubt, attempts to negotiate a reasonable expected outcome, and venturing to find tools to help me find a method to the madness around me. My mind oscillates between the feelings of inadequacy and the confidence that someday I will figure out a way through this maze and in time I will acquire all the skills that I need to. But eventually expectation weighs me down and I am often wondering how do I think out of the box, when I feel boxed without the detail. To add to it, it is the sheer realization that this is an opportunity denied to many and it’s the one that could potentially change my life forever.

After being consciously anchored in comfortable world for a long time, I have set sail on rough waters and as expected the sail is not easy. Comparison to my old comfortable life is inevitable and often I find myself trying to slip into oblivion. I try and find all the support I can to assure me that all will eventually turn out alright but sometimes feel like the inconsolable brat who wails too much. Nevertheless it is a new challenge and I am trying hard to expel every bit of self doubt that I carry within me. . Right now it is sticking to it ness at its best, and all I promise myself Is I will show up and try and wade my way through this phase. Change management is not my forte but it is not my Achilles heel either. So it is time to tune out the old familiar trends and embrace the changes in life and at work.
The essence of my life was captured by Economic times very recently, and I repeat to myself – Think globally, Act locally and Panic internally!.

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About Thumbelina81
A dreamer lost in this world. Part time Writer, Part time Gardener, A full time wife.

One Response to Life in the fast lane

  1. Pingback: When it rains it pours | My Nascence

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