Are you my mother?


Are you my mother? It is a bedtime story that I read to my nephew recently and I wonder if it is my age old habit of reading between the lines or  just too much of mental bandwidth at my disposal. But it got me thinking  and I spent a few good hours thinking of the simple story and the profound message it carries. About everyone’s innate need to know their mother.

Well the story goes like this,  a bird leaves her nest to fend for food, and in her absence , a little hatchling is born  and it flies away searching for its mother. She comes across a dog, kitten, cow and keeps asking anything in sight if it was her mother? . After a few strokes of bad luck, she eventually lands up in the nest and is re-united with the mother after the little adventure.

What got me thinking and is the brainchild for the rant  –  What happens to all those individuals who never get to know their mother? . The unfortunate ones amongst us who have suffered an early loss or those who need to rely on memories or  descriptions from family members  to know their mothers. I am a strong believer that every daughter carries a little bit of their mother in them and this little bit is more than just genes or DNA. Its the  connect that a daughter grows with and derives her strong sense of security from. It is more than unfair when a child is deprived of it, whatever be the circumstances.   I have known  individuals who have lost their mothers so early, that they could not even register the loss . One would imagine that loss is much easier to handle when they  have not felt the presence.  It might sound weird but they actually feel the vaccum much more than ever. And contrary to the popular saying, Time heals all wounds, this one just gets worse with time. The emotional void is very difficult to live with . And even if someone steps into the role,  its difficult to make peace with a mother like presence when all you long for  is a mother , who is your first bond on earth, the one whom you would have probably shared a heartbeat with ,at some point in time.

So , yes , I get fanatic and violently agressive  and cannot for the love of God,  see rationale when women abandon their babies  especially if they are girls. A mother- daughter relationship is one of the most unique relationships and I feel that one can never be too old or independent enough ,not to need their mother. It is commendable how a mother assumes different roles while bringing up a daughter,  sometimes  she is the tireless caregiver, sometimes a wise female companion, sometimes a guardian angel and sometimes just a passive listener.  As the daughters grow up and find their unique way of dealing with life, more often than not, it is their mother’s intrinsic values that get carried along. With daughters who have never known their mothers, it is difficult to grapple along, they tend to deal with feelings of confusion and abandonment. One learns how to love from their mothers naturally so I can relate when motherless individuals tell me that they do not know how to trust or for that matter love. If you have a loved one who has lost a mother, or has never known their mother, just be sensitive to the fact that they are wired differently and it takes  a little more than consistent love and affection to win their hearts. Encourage them to talk about their mothers , or know their mothers so that they can hold on to something tangible and get their heads around their loss and how they percieve it. More often than not, it is the silence of the loved ones that is difficult to deal with. Loss is inevitable but when it is the loss of a mother, it takes much more than strength to move on..


About Thumbelina81
A dreamer lost in this world. Part time Writer, Part time Gardener, A full time wife.

One Response to Are you my mother?

  1. Vasavi Anand says:

    you are amazing !!….you make me laugh and cry…very touchy…my effort has always been there that not to deprive Vivaan from mother’s love !! and he is lucky to get not just one but three God Mothers… u babes..miss u a lot…waiting for you to come home soon.

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