Well, I have been in receipt of frantic emails from gentlemen readers of my blog who miss the Caveman, apparently the hero of My Nascence.
My sincere apologies, but what can I say I was busy trying to be the heroine of my story and somewhere along, the Caveman missed blog space.
So what is Caveman up to?? (Well, he is living his dream and continues to be the perpetual cause of my nightmares)
Eight months ago, he bid goodbye to the world of ass kissing ( in his own words) and decided to take an indefinite sabbatical from the corporate world, to follow his dreams ( a.k.a, I have fed you enough, now go earn your bread and butter, and if there is jam, I’ll be a part of it too)
So he shuttles between Kannur and the homeland, living out of a suitcase, which he promises to pack himself someday, juggling two different aspirations:
- Of building a commercial skyscraper – which should take care of our crazy retirement dreams, without having to sell our soul too much?
- Of having an entrepreneurial venture – While he is in the homeland, he is off with his begging bowl, trying to get funds for his venture and setting the wheels in motion .
While I kept deluding myself, that I have finally domesticated the shrew, little did I realize that I am being a part of a carefully executed strategy? Listed are a few changes for your consumption:
His wheels – He sold his mistress, the bullet, and invested in a tiny set of wheels for me with some spare cash for taxi rides. As a result of that, I am always taking him around and both of us are the best advertisement TVS could ask for. 2000 kms on a TVS Wego with two fat people on Indian roads . TVS gives durability a different name altogether.
Conversations at home – Well he has mastered the art of talking less and kissing more, to keep his nagging wife quiet. Comfortable kisses, just enough to make the wife forget the errands he was supposed to run, or the things he promised to fix. When we talk, Like the English, we discuss the fluctuating weather, Indian economy and passionately crazy entrepreneurs. When he is away, he texts me regularly – and the text is standard templates – Did you have your bfast, lunch and dinner? Carefully programmed and delivered just enough to keep the wife from forgetting his existence.
He flip flops between two diets – Beer , Wine and food when he is at home. Coconuts and more coconuts when he is in Kannur. The girth keeps growing and hugging him is becoming an increasingly challenging task, but I cannot complain, it was written in my marriage vows – Happiness cannot be size specific.
His attire – The man is always found now with a Mundu – They come in all sizes , colourful, printed with geometrical designs and I replace them with white ones , just to make it pleasant on my eye. Ties, Formal shirts and formal trousers are only on request these days.
He is senior citizen friendly now – He is Roman in Rome, he rises along with the rooster and goes to bed before the sunset, and he is on top of all blood pressure ratings, diabetic friendly food and takes his mom for an hour long walk everyday ( that is sweet)
The skewed gender dilemma– So he is surrounded by all women at most times, and he gets so desperate for male company, that he hitches long distance rides with total strangers using an app called bla bla cars . And he tricks both the women in his life – his mom and the wife to fuss over him at every given chance and gets away with almost everything.
Penny wise – The Olympics of cheapness continues. He continues to be the Penny wise guy finding the most innovative jugaads to save money. And I am the perfect Pound foolish to his sense of economics.
The teenager in him – He has become a social media addict, and it is difficult to get his attention from twitter, Facebook and Team bhp. Creating a virtual world for himself, and giving us the rare fleeting moments of attention.
I am tired writing now , but what can I say- He just said the most romantic words ever- “I promise I will keep the house clean next time when I am there”.
Well, gentlemen, hope this long post satiates your curiosity and hopefully you get a few tips to con your wives. We will keep them coming.
And for you Caveman – All I can say is – Life with you is an adventure and I wouldn’t want to trade it for anything else in the world. You drive me crazy but maybe in the craziness , I find a way to stand still. And here’s a picture that makes me wants to give up everything to keep that smile forever.