A face in the crowd

It is amazing how a simple prompt can set you on a journey of  retrospection and acquaint you with a forgotten fact about yourself?

Today’s prompt was – Do parties and crowds fill you with energy, or send you scurrying for peace and quiet? And I got thinking.

Not long ago, all I wanted to do, was to be a face in the crowd. Playing to the gallery, soaking in the energy,sometimes positive, sometimes ridden with a headiness of its own. And I was willing to spare my time, my energy to explore the unknown and make an effort to mingle with the crowds. I wanted to be there in every party of the town, Wondering if I would miss out on life if I just wouldn’t make that effort to fit in. I was ready to go the extra mile, plaster my smile on, trying to enjoy the pushing around. And the thrill would lie in  marking my territory in the crowd and if I am lucky, I would turn to be the life of the party around me. The party girl in me, wouldn’t think twice to let her hair down and be upto every shenanigan that could be thought of.

Instances of fainting at a rock concert because of the marijuana ridden air or getting grounded for reaching home after curfew time seemed to be like the order of my raving twenties. But the sad part of it was, the parties never seemed to fill the void that seemed to be growing into a gaping hole in my soul. Each party would only leave me feeling more emptier or more hollow within. Dint enjoy the tired mornings after.

And then, I wonder if age crept in or wisdom or sheer laziness. I seem to abhor crowds or parties. Preferring parties at home, or spending a quiet evening with my loved ones,I seem to enjoy the comfort that arises from the fact that I did not have to try too hard to be likable or be a fun person. I did not have to  indulge in x things just because the crowd dynamics demanded it. And now every time, there is a crowd , I am thinking of practicalities instead of fantasising of how I would be enjoying myself.

The mention of a crowd  or a party and I am thinking: Parking, Unknown Mobs, What if someone lets go( don’t ask – was stuck at a farty crowd and heaven knows how I survived that day).Is it worth my time and effort. Then I think of an evening at home, the regular television, a quiet dinner, my cosy bed with a book. And I know my answer – I don’t want to be a face in a crowd anymore.

 FV captured this at the last crowd we were stuck in . The most candid moment where everyone were holding their noses.  So thank you very much, no more crowds for me.Laughing out loud.